First off, thank you. Like, big, huge, deep heartfelt thank you. My last post was SO incredibly hard to write.
Post. It was insanely hard to post. (Writing was hard, posting was harder!)
But so many of you reached out to me and shared that it touched you, or that you were thinking of me or sent your love.
And I thank you for that. I meant SO much to me!
And that showed me that this is where I want to go. Deeper, more heartfelt and honest…
You may (or may not!) have seen my post on Instagram about my Avoidance blend. I created it with the intention of facing into everything I was avoiding – and you have already seen some of the shifts because of it…. my last post (actually, I’d read it first).
I wanted to share with you what specifically I’ve been doing and what it’s been bringing to the surface.
So, first off, I made that essential oil blend (doTERRA oils only) and started off by slathering myself.
Behind the ears. On the heart. Back of the neck. Bottom of the feet. 3rd chakra (diaphragm). And about 10 other places. LOL! (I literally would have bathed in it if it hadn’t been in a roller ball.)
I was just ready to really shift how much I avoid things.
After a few days of that, I started to feel myself opening up. I saw my morning meditations shift a little. I saw myself seeing where I’ve avoided things. Posting on my blog for the first time in more than a year. Going to my teacher and having deeper things revealed to me. Defeat, for one big one.
Seeing Defeat for what it was – a limiting belief that was so tricky and playing so quietly in the background that I didn’t even notice it subtly influencing me.
And then I started to make friends with Defeat instead of avoiding it. Thanking it for being there, asking it to leave. Letting go of feeling ashamed of my feelings of defeat.
Then I saw how I’ve wanted to restart my morning yoga practice for YEARS and never made it stick. So I dusted off my 40 Days of Yoga book – literally dusted off – remembering that it was about resistance (a form of avoidance) and started my yoga practice again.
I want to talk about avoidance a little bit more and how it’s showing up for me…
I see it all over the place for myself, but it’s showing up in a big way with its good friend shame right now. You see, I’m growing my businesses – my Light Running vibrational healing and my doTERRA essential oils businesses – and to reach more people, it just makes sense to post on Instagram or Facebook. Or send emails to my email list. Or post on my blog. And I really struggle with these.
Okay, I avoid them. And when I post lately, they don’t feel like ME.
And truthfully, it brings up SO much shame.
Here I am, I do my own inner work on a daily (hourly!) basis and I still struggle with shame and avoidance.
(I’ll admit – I’m actually in tears writing this all down. That’s how deep the shame is. )
Anyway, when the shame comes up, I avoid sharing and then I feel defeated. (This is a new awareness as of last week – defeated. And it’s HUGE to face into it.)
But with the work I do, I know how to face into it. Usually that’s in a pretty private way with a few very close friends who support me. And I do the work that helps me shift things.
So I’m going to let go of needing to make sure everything is “right” with this post and whether or not I’m being clear. Whether or not you understand all these things I’m going to share. And I’m going to share with you my process.
Because it’s to remind ME of what I’m doing.
Because even thought I’m in a place of shame and I want to run away and avoid so I don’t feel defeated, I’m actually writing this down. I’m moving through it and working to keep it from defining me.
Okay, here’s my process: Continue reading