This is a question I run into a LOT. Not just with my clients, but in myself. (Oh, how I find it in myself!)
What I find under this is resistance. Wanting things to be different. Not liking where you are. (Or I am!) Feeling like something “must be wrong” if I’m “still” in whatever this state is….
I see that “stuckness” in so many places. Relationships. Being alone. Money. Business. Health. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Why do things feel “stuck”? What is really going on?
Let’s talk about the words first….
Um, hello, ego! If you EVER see the word “still“, there is most likely a judgement that goes with it. There is an expectation of timing. (We have NO idea when it will change!) There is a belief that it should be different and that you’re doing something wrong. There are a myriad of judgements that can tag along with “still”!
As a matter of fact, you can watch for that word when you see it. Is it taking you into a place of judgement? Or to the past? Or the future? Try dropping it from the sentence all together… I suspect you’ll find there is no need for it.
“I still find this beautiful” -> “I find this beautiful” (see how it brings the awareness to now!)
Stuck -> Held
Let’s talk about changing “stuck” to held. This took me a while to switch, but once I did, I started to experience those spaces differently. I’m not stuck. There is holding going on. I’m holding onto something.
When we change the wording to “I’m feeling held” you can interpret it in more ways. I’m holding myself back. Or I’m being held (in a kind way) to allow myself to shift.
Try changing up the wording – even if it feels awkward – and see if there are any shifts for you even just in a very tiny way. Here’s an example:
“I am still stuck with money” -> “I am in a holding pattern with money”
But what keeps it around?
So, now that we’re changing the wording, let’s look at the basic WHY a pattern may be sticking around for a while.
We all know that old adage:
“What resists persists.”
That is, what we push up against doesn’t shift. Wanting something to be different won’t magically make it so.
When we push up against something, there is no space to step back and see what’s really going on. We are pushing and wanting SO much, we can even see what we haven’t learned from the situation we’re in.
Remember, all your experiences support your awakening.
Basically, ever challenge you go through supports releasing something that no longer is a match energetically, emotionally, etc.
So, what can you do?
This is truly the biggest piece. And probably the hardest one for many people.
So many people believe that ACCEPTANCE means KEEPING THIS PATTERN FOR EVER!
Truly, nothing could be further from the truth.
Acceptance simply means that you are see where you are without needing it to be different.
It doesn’t mean liking where you are.
It doesn’t mean staying where you are.
It just means you accept where you are while still making choices to shift it, see it different, etc. And then you release any expectations of a specific outcome.
(Remember, you have no control over anything but your actions and reactions – doing something and letting go of the outcome is the only way it can actually be done! Oh, this is a big topic… May have to cover it later!)
What is scary about acceptance?
So. How do you feel about the idea of acceptance? Hate it. Think I’m whacked? Refuse to do it?
Then sit with this question. (Actually, I suggest you journal about this question…)
What is scary about accepting the current situation?
But why do we need to accept what’s going on?
Because when we accept the situation, we have the space to step back, see it more clearly. It doesn’t mean we want it to stick around. It just means we are where we are and we see and accept where we are. That’s it!
Acceptance of what is give you the space to shift and see what’s next.
Feel the emotions
So, sit with the emotions that come to the surface at the idea of accepting what is. Journal. Feel. Watch TV shows and movies to let go of those emotions.
Sometimes we are pushing SO hard we don’t even realize the emotions that we’re not feeling.
What emotions surface with the idea of acceptance?
Here are a few questions to journal or meditate with:
- Why is it scary to accept what’s going on?
- What if it NEVER changes? What reactions surface?
- If it never changes, do I still have value? Am I still lovable?
What haven’t you learned?
Now that you’re moving into accepting what is, let’s talk about how you can see the underlying why it’s still sticking around….
So, if you actually DO believe that everything supports your awakening, try asking yourself what have you not learned from your current situation.
“Andi, don’t you know?!? I have worked this issue forEVER and I KNOW I’ve learned everything!!!”
Um, hi again, ego!
Yes, if you thought that or something similar, that’s the ego.
You know you have learned everything from your situation when you are peaceful.
That’s it. You are accepting and peaceful and where you are doesn’t even trigger a thought let alone an emotion!
Okay. Sit with the above question again. Meditate on it. Write about it. Write a letter to whatever feels held – and let that thing/situation/etc write back to you:
What have you NOT learned from your current situation?
Don’t worry if it doesn’t come to the surface yet. That’s okay! It can take time. But creating the space to let it show itself is how you start.
Patience & Kindness
We also need patience. Maybe we have moved into acceptance, but we can’t see what we haven’t learned. Or we think we see it, but it’s “still feeling stuck” there.
Sometimes we just need patience because the memory or belief we are working on releasing is so HUGE, we haven’t fully created the new foundation for ourselves.
In other words, we have old beliefs that are surrounding the big belief that is still unknown to us and we are still letting go of the smaller old beliefs so we can be solid and strong enough to release the giant belief that has been influencing us for a long, long time. This lifetime. Other lifetimes. Who knows?
By stepping back, you’ve created space to feel the emotions, see the patterns, find some relief.
So now is the time for kindness for you. Remember, you’ve probably been working on this for a LONG time (even if it seems recent, the belief is likely much older) and it’s time to be KIND to yourself.
What kind things could you be saying to yourself right now?
“I am doing an amazing job!”
“I am really working hard on a HUGE belief and memory and this can feel overwhelming! I’m doing so well.”
“It’s okay to ask for help or support from others. This doesn’t mean I am failing or doing badly!”
“I am perfect where I am. And I choose to be open to everything shifting.”
Shift the insides first…
Remember, you may want everything around you to shift desperately, but until you shift your perception, it won’t truly change.
That doesn’t mean that you need to change your beliefs to change what your outside world looks like. Instead what that means is that you can change your outside circumstances, but if the situation you’re in were to occur again in the future, you would feel the same. Or, even more disconcerting, you could shift your outside circumstances, but your internal world and reactions don’t even see that they’ve changed because you’re still so stuck in your old reactions, beliefs and memories!
So… are you ready to commit to shifting the way you feel about your situation?
If so, read back through this post… And let me know if you have ANY questions!
Maybe that’s all you needed – a new perspective.
But if you still feel like you would like some support, don’t hesitation to reach out. I’d love to work with you on your deep, old beliefs!
In love and light,